The Wrong Road or What happened to Fred

So it didn’t exactly work out as I had planned. It had been a beautiful day but the boss had been on my case. “Too many visitors” he moaned, and I had to send them on their way. It had been a tiring day with so many visitors, who needed to be moved on and by 8 pm I’d had enough. I am getting a bit fed up with the job to be honest. I had hoped to get furloughed but no chance. My job goes on as I am locked down (literally!) But it was my night off and I was going to meet my mates in Bramley for a socially distanced get together. I’d heard on Facebook there were loads of friends and relatives planning a Green Man Festival on Clift Meadow. Isabel asked me to meet her and we were going to collect Cruella and Winnie. Thought about calling into see my fisherman mate but to be honest he has had a Stella too many. Luckily Florence was coming down to be on first aid duty, just in case the cyclist or quad biker had an accident or assist the other cousins who have certainly had a bit too much to drink.

Anyway, I changed into my trendy Chas and Dave tee shirt, my best straw boater hat, mirrored sunglasses and clean jeans and boots. Don’t want folks to think I can’t rise to a social occasion! But I always like a bit of a drink to get me in the mood and so off I set, down Folly Lane. I planned to meet my girlfriend Freda (I forgot to tell you about her!) for a swift pint of cider – or maybe two, before heading off to Bramley. And that is where it all went horribly wrong! You see I‘m not super bright and I can’t tell my left from my right. So dreaming of spending a few fun filled hours with Freda, I head down to the Four Horseshoes, but I didn’t notice which way I was going and turned right instead of left. I was singing to myself and watching those pesky black crows circling round me, laughing. That always makes me mad! Anyway, I wasn’t concentrating and just as I saw the bus stop, I realised I was going the wrong way and – SPLAT! A car went and hit me right off my sticks and before I could get away, the bus shelter tumbled on top of me. I was mad I can tell you! Not even a “Sorry” or “Can I help”? Nothing! Well, it really knocked the stuffing out of me I can tell you. I couldn’t feel my legs and although I shouted out, no one seemed to notice me.

And here I am. Stuck under a pile of bricks. Fortunately, I have a roof over my head and I have company. There are a few spiders who have made home in my boater and they are quite a laugh. The field mice from Folly Lane have also called in to say “hello”. Not sure what the boss will say though. I thought he would have come looking for me. After all he must be able to see my legs and boots! But I know Freda will come and find me!

I could really do with a pint!

Anon